User blog:ArceusBowser44/Leaving, definitevely

Hello everyone, i'm back with this stuff. I'll just get to the point, and tell you all why i feel the need to leave. This time for real. I apologyze if this blog isn't well organized and if there are several grammar errors, it's something that i'm writing in like 20 minutes and just my overall thoughts on this.

When i joined Fandom
First thing i'd like to talk about, is when i joined FANDOM, and the image i had of it. Basically, i was a casual fan of ScrewAttack's series called Death Battles. A day, casually, i found the site called Death Battle Fanon Wiki. I became somewhat interested in this, mainly all the fights including Mario characters, thus i started to read a few battles here and there, such as Peach vs Amy, Toad vs Cream, Waluigi vs Big and etc. With time, i became more fascinated by this sort of things, and discovered that giant world composed of at least hundreds of fanon battles made by all the various users. Users that, appearently, liked each other and were friendly to each other, at least that what i noticed when going to various message walls, people like Para, Big, Nk, Sayan, Des and others were always there for you. It looked so perfect and innocent, so much that i decided to join FANDOM simply because i wanted to be part of something, to be a member of that world. However, in the meantime, i was just a casual reader of those death battles. Then however, i discovered this guy named "Metal", and started to like the way he protected what he liked, and became a fan of his death battles as well, and also became a fan of the person himself, thinking he was a cool hero who brought justice to an underestimated verse. While i did know he didn't have the best past in that wiki, when i started to know the wiki it was around 2016, aka when Metal was actually a respected person, and noticed all the many users who asked him to come to chat on his wall, and also liked what he was doing with his VS battles-like blog. This made me even more interested in this stuff. Friendly people, cool stuff, an opportunity to write your own fictional fight and read other fights, etc. Eventually, i also discovered Metal was on VSBW as well, and made several threads to upgrade the Mario characters, but failed. It made me kind of sad that others were calling him a butthurt or also making fun of his arguments, something that he protected with such love and strength. I felt like i wanted to help him, and, as in my mind he was the person i wanted to be, i wanted to make him notice me also because i thought i could make a decent revision thread to upgrade the Mario characters. Plus, in the meantime Wither created a new site made exactly for everyone to express their opinion about the characters's power. And this felt so pure. Yes because everyone was respectful towards each other, and they were so casual and always friendly, i thought i could also be part of this happy reality as well. Because of all of this, i then decided to join FANDOM, and wrote something on Metal's wall to make him know that i'd like to help him with the Mario threads on VSBW..uh god, was i naive. It was like watching a kid telling his master that he'll make him proud. Anyway, with this, i also joined CSaP, and at first things weren't exactly perfect due to the fact that i literally didn't fucking now about how to power scale, create good profiles, identify the usable shit and the shit to avoid (little time before i joined CSaP, i thought everyone in Mario was Universal due to hurting Bowser who survived the universal supernova at the end of SMG lol. But, even after i joined CSaP, i did have my cup of extremely idiotic and biased thoughts). My first blog about Mario's power on CSaP, needless to say, was absolutely laughable, though things didn't change a lot after that anyway. Anyway, while things weren't perfect, i thought they eventually would be. I started to join chat every single time i saw other people online, chatting about all possible kind of things, and other stuff. I was just a kid who only knew and talked to like not even 10 users, but that was fine by me. Anyway, this is where shit starts:

One about VS debating, despite me being a member of this site, i couldn't fucking care a single bit. I really, really didn't care at all. My knowledge was just based on my biased thoughts about the characters's strength, which is something i will talk about later. But in terms of VS debating, i really couldn't care and i was really bad, which again didn't exactly bother me since most of the people i know (if not all) started as very bad VS debaters at the beginning anyway, but this is irrelevant shit. I didn't care, VS debating wasn't the reason i joined this. The reason was to be part of a reality, to have nice times online with others and periodically talk about video games and only very few times about their DC or hax or stuff like that. I really had this child dream inside me: have fun, for me it was like a theater, a spectacle to live, full of emotions and moments where i could have had fun times when i was bored IRL, not a boring site for VS debates. Talking about our past and memories, i simply wanted to be an important member of this site that others could enjoy talking to; in other wikias the most "important" people (like Moderators and stuff) were also the guys that others enjoyed talking to and had fun with, and i wanted to be a nice friend just like them, (that was negated by my aggressive and emotional behavior), i didn't want to be just the first normal profiles-creator user. Anyway, let's get back to Metal. He, accidentally, influenced me. While yes he was now respected on DBF, some people still saw him as a Mario wanker, but he didn't care one bit, and i didn't either. He kept believing in what he strongly held, he ddi not get knocked out by anyone. He was strong, and from my point of view, somewhat of an hero. It's a shame that he won't be online for a long period of time, but if he was still here, he'll tell you that what i said is true: on private chat, i generally told him that he was my inspiration, and that i wanted to be just like him, sometimes i compared him to Mario himself. The dream of a child, nothing more pure. Because of that i started making my profiles, to show my "idol" my willpower and that i wanted to protect what i liked too, that just like him, i could protect the Marioverse in a way to have it respected..to the point that i started to find the most terrible excuses to define a character's power (not just with the Marioverse, but with basically the verses i liked in general, to have them "respected"). Not only there was no info behind them (i just copy-pasted all the feats and arguments made by Metal since he was my ideal and my opinion was exactly the same as his, another thing i used to make him notice my "efforts". Not to mention a bad scaling system/stupid feats i used just to upplay or downplay a character's stats of the character i liked in a "strategic" way to make "a character this strong or this weak, so that i can put them against these other characters and the game is done!". Examples were Peach (i made her 2-B by using outlierish feats and bad scaling to Mario and Bowser because i wanted her to stomp the Sonic verse alone lol), Toad/Toadette (i used a totally not 8-A feat to make them 8-A..), the Star Spirits and Paper Mario (i created a terrible argument and logic to upplay them to High 2-A so that i could put them against Madoka Kaname. Occasionally i asked how strong a feat could be and boom, added to the profile obviously with a terrible way of wording and etc) and several others mistakes and terrible logics in my profiles, also in terms of hax, my Peach profile was full of hax she never even showed lol), but they were also just made to shit Metal's attention on my works as i thought he would probably like it since i was "showing a Mario character's true potential". In fact a few times i tried to convince Metal of my belief on certain things (Star Spirits's power, Black Jewel's power, and other discussions on chat) just to make him see how hard i was working (lol wut) and since Metal was also a guy everyone trusted, i thought that convincing him of something i believed was a pretty nice achievement. My first months were like this. As you can also notice, the number of my edits is extremely little for a guy that is supposed to be "one of the major people on this site" and that has been here for slightly over an year. Most of them aren't probably even because of my profiles (i didn't made a lot of them), but just pointless comments on people's wall, or a constant editing of messages and stuff about my terrible profiles (constant adding of new and useless feats or never-showed abilities, and a constant change of the tier to make the suitable to other VS matches, this is why i changed my characters's tiers so much, it was all periodical and based on casual thoughts that influenced my perspective on the characters's power or just pure biasiness, like changing a character's power to put him against another character).

But not just that, it was also time sucking. At Summer, instead of doing anything of productive, i wasted my mornings and afternoons on editing profiles i wasn't even proud of, and right after i finished my edit, i looked at it and thought "goddammit what's this shit" and started to cry without a reason or maybe just because i felt like the most useless user on the site. Constant and useless editing, always sitting on my PC when it was always so hot in the house and i could have made things i enjoyed more instead of creating profiles i didn't even care about..and how exhausting. Yes because at first i was not aware of how to add links to the feats, how to properly organize a profile (constant editing where i tried to actually make the "Notable Attacks and Techniques" section of my profiles nice, but it was always very shitty, and had to start again, or to bother others), and etc. They were terrible, they sucked, they were hideous. Basically, my first months here were absolutely useless, worthless, without a reason to even exist. Outside of those amazing chats and well, those terrible profiles, i never even tried how to define my point of view and arguments about the Marioverse's scaling (that time i had a messy and terrible vision of powerscaling of the verse that, effectively, didn't make sense) for the VSBW thread, never tried to do some research and not make something completely idiotic and biased. Months thrown in the air, useless, where i wasted time on things i didn't like, i didn't enjoy, and at the end of the day i was just bothered and angry that was really the result of what i was doing. Months where i couldn't and didn't care a fuck..in fact, the afternoons i didn't edit those daubs i even call profiles, if i didn't find anyone online to talk to i didn't even get close to the PC to actually do the "job" of a VS debater, to research stuff and things, i just took the shit that already was settled from Metal (again i always trusted him), exaggerated it on some points, and used my own exaggerated and wonky perspective on certain characters/circumnstances to wank the shit out of characters. Another example: in the past i did believe in High 1-C Paper Mario cause of String Theory Soup, and because i wanted to make Madoka vs Paper Mario, i thought of a stupid logic to make Madoka 11D: basically, since for each timeline there were infinite universe, and there were eleven timelines, i ignored what was obvious and jumped to the conclusion that infinity on a 4D scale x 11 times is 11D!!!!!!!11111!

I didn't even try to actually do a proper research and don't claim absolutely idiotic shit (i know vomit every time i hear about that 11D argument for Madoka, gosh, fortunately i realized the obvious after my period of biasiness), and i couldn't care less. Vs debating was the last of my problems, i had many other priorities (that however, as explained in my previous blog, because of fatigue or climate conditioning, turned me into a bored person that did nothing except trying to find a chat on some wikias on the PC). In fact, the revision thread i announced to Metal during the end of June, was made in 20 minutes and published at the last moment 6 MONTHS AFTER, at December.

Around November, there was a period of transition. The users weren't online on CSaP at all but other users came, and because of Discord, those chats i hope i could have had weren't possible anymore since i didn't have Discord at the time. During this time, i didn't do shit. I kept editing stuff at times, i commented a few threads on VSBW or DBF, and i started to work at Peach vs Dedede on Metal's wiki but lost interest few moments later. Around February, i was invited to a Discord server and there i started to be active there, but even then i didn't do a lot on the wikia and about VS debating in general. Discord unfortunately ruined my days as it was not just time sucking, but i really didn't have the most memorable times there.

After that, just casual shit. I kept being the same biased person that while forgot about the most stupid arguments, i had still my biased arguments i used to wank the characters i liked and create "logical" VS matches (i had The Shining One from Devil Survivor 2 at Low 1-C, and since i thought he could make a nice battle with Madoka, i wanked her to Low 1-C for a pretty stupid reason). I also argued Nagisa vs Demigra and was biased during the entire debate because i didn't like Dragon Ball on that time in particular (and i also thought Zenkai didn't like me so i thought i could just decide to be an asshole to him, what a bitch i was) and since PMMM is one of my favorite verses, i wanted Nagisa to win.

My situation with VS debating
So yeah, like i said, i couldn't care less about it. However, that is not just me not giving a fuck about it, it's also me thinking VS debating communities are somewhat toxic. Not talking about anyone in particular, just what i noticed on G+, and lately on DBF. I noticed that people seem to care so much about this thing, that to me it's no different from an irrelevant shit which is why i'm leaving, but anyway. I noticed how a lot of people have this urge to criticize others and at times even insult them for their arguments and etc. Now people take it as if you actually even gain something of "extreme importance" when you do VS debates, now people actually become bullies because of VS debating (i know some people that had to leave VS debating because they got bullied and also know another more extreme thing that happened), now people even get trained in VS debating. Of course there's not a problem with the latter, but why the need? Why not being more casual and relaxed? VS debating was much better in the past, as many other people say. Now people actually "have the right" to heavily criticize the person with more "childish" ideas of VS debating and more pure opinions, or people that are not even really interested in starting a discussion because of it but at times are forced to enter Vocal Chat unless they want to be called "cowards" for their entire life. People who may not even care about Vs debating in the first place, people that just want to stay inside their perfect little bubble generated by their pure thoughts and respect to the series they like hoping that no one will destroy their home with their "looooool, objection. You don't have the permission this character is at the level with such reasonings! K-A-M-E-H-A-M-E-AAAAAAAAA". Doing so, you don't just destroy their argument (i'd even argue about some people claiming to be superior or telling others that they do not understand anything at all anyway, now i'm actually not referring to anyone but simply a few G+ guys that really think too high of themselves), but the very opinion based on a pure meaning behind the reasoning of why you think that character is that strong, a thought made of a lovely opinion, even at cost to "look like an idiot", but the belief remains, the sign of the existence of an hope that you have and the magnificence with which you protect what you like. Saying "I disagree because of this, this and this, but i respect your opinion" and then argue your point and why you think the other character wins is PERFECTLY FINE, after all everyone has the right to say what they want and think what they want, but why do you have to go there and point all his flawed reasonings with actually professional concepts that people find on Wikia and destroy his belief entirely? I mean, unless it's an actual VS debate where you really do have to do that, i don't see why you should do that. But talking about my VS debating skills now, oh boy. I'm known for being a pretty emotional VS debater that has most of his arguments as arguments from belief (yes lol, this last week i actually learned all the kind of fallacies simply because i was interested, thanks to G+, i actually read entirely a few debates but mainly because i wanted to see what they were like, since i never did an actually good-organized debate like the ones you find in the tournaments on G+, god shit the amount of things i've learned), an extremely inexpert person with basically no experience (like, i did less debates in a year than another guy in a month, outside of randomly entering conversations in Metal or Adam's wall, where eventually i started to act like a butthurt as well, and leaving my thoughts or debating some minor stuff and the Peach vs Wario and Nagisa vs Demigra debates, when i was a butthurt) nor knowledge on the various fallacies and etc (only knew what a straman, red herring and association fallacy were, and the last two thanks to Seb who, accidentally, taught me those), occasionally i also committed fallacies i didn't even know existed a and like i previously stated, most of my profiles were wanked, copy-pasted, exaggerated, bad, terribly-organized, and etc. Until a month ago or so, while i did change a lot in comparision to how i was at the beginning, even in the way of acting, i was still butthurt, and still tried to find lots of excuses to "justify" a character's (incorrect) rating. To be honest, this last three/four weeks i changed so much, you probably wouldn't even recognize me, not because of the way i talk, but literally the overall opinions i have now about the character's power, the justification for the speed ratings and etc. But i'm still leaving because, essentially, i lost every type of interest, and i still miss the old atmosphere there was around here an year ago, which actually made me happy, all those fun conversations...

My behavior
This is the reason of many dramas. First of all however, i want you guys to show you my true ag, at last. I'm actually only 12..Yep. I'm not 14, i just became 12 the 22 of September. The real motive i faked my true age was essentially because FANDOM couldn't accept people younger than 13, thus i faked my age and well, started to use my new fake age. I feel like a lot of you will probably think i'm lying just to look the youngest and most defenseless, but well, i was the youngest when i was 13 as well anyway so. You guys can, of course, think whatever you want about this. But my emotional way of acting should already make everything clear i guess. Even in the beginning, i had a slighlty heated discussion with Adam, which i hated so much, and i regret for being such a bitch to him. I'm surrounded by people that at the very least go from 16 to college students, it's normal for a guy like me to want a bit of attention from the others. However, that wasn't the case, and rightly so: you are not my servants, and just because i'm the youngest doesn't mean a shit, you can't treat me like a prince and i can't force you to like me either. My behavior is a problem. Seriously, everytime i'm around, it doesn't even look like a site to discuss a character's power, but a theater, and i'm the most moody and frustrating of this site: i can go from "aggressive little boooiiiiii" to "Y-You're breaking m-my..*sob* heart" in the same situation. Gosh, this kind of superpower is surely annoying. At the end, i wanted you all to tell my true age not to justificate my behavior, however i'm still young so. Of course, you can believe me just like you do'n't have to believe my words. But i can't do anything about that: it's my fault. It's my fault for bringing a bad attention to all of you, it's my fault for being an ass, and after several dramas and heated discussions, it's only natural that some of you might want to not forgive me or even shit talk about me (i'm not referring to anyone, this is literally just an hypothesis, i'm just saying that if that might happen i could understand that). I acted like an annoying and frustrating person many times, my aggressive phrases that i should have avoided, as well as the arrogance and moodiness i showed to others where i always tried to put myself on a higher platform (which does have an emotional motive behind, but still doesn't justificate my behavior). I was just very annoying, i wouldn't be surprised if some of you will be like "Ok Arceus, look i can't stand you, just go away and don't talk to me". My behavior that people can find very annoying, the times i literally get mad for stupid reasons, also the way i change opinion during discussions. A moment before, i'm all angry at the person, then a moment later i feel bad because maybe he wasn't trying to insult me but just pointing out something, every time I leave my point of view on something I'm scared and I'm always anxious, I make thousands of mental films imagining what will happen and that the other person will hate me to death, or I think I've been too harsh and take my PC again to change the answer to look like a helpless kitten that does not want problems, but then two seconds later I do not care and I have to look strong .. and then I take an aggressive behavior. Then when I finally get the notification of the other's response, my heart is poised between all the possible negative emotions, anxiety, fear, sometimes I feel like bursting into tears, so to get out of it immodiate something exaggerated in the hope that the other feels guilty or maybe to make the figure of the victim, I'm terrible i know, the emotions are master of my body, sometimes I really start crying thinking of being inferior to everything and everyone but this does not distract my other more aggressive and unnecessary attitudes, let's say that some people do not like me too much (i think) because of my behavior too dramatic, emotional and unrealistic. When I comment or say something on FANDOM, unless I'm sure I've said something safe, I'm perpetually anxious thinking that everything will go wrong or that I have said the usual crap and i have fear of what the reply could be, and before i comment again showing my dramatical behavior i just try to find excuses to end the discussion or put myself in a safe position, but because of my big mouth i still end up contradicting my pure feeling of "wanting to go away" and comment back to the other because i never learn when to stop and always have to keep pointing out something. You guys will probably remember me for this. For being an excessively theatrical person. I also have almost no experience in VS debating, then let's add my mental and emotional fragility that influences my way of acting. As I said, I am the youngest and I am literally afraid to find myself discussing with people bigger than me and consequently most of the times when I answer or I seem too emotional or I look like someone who wants to put yours on the same level but fails miserably and at the end in a discussion is forced to apologize for the overly sentimental responses, everything that represents me that is not suitable for this place and icing on the cake my lack of confidence in myself. I am very small, the stereotypical attitude of a still defenseless child: too fragile, too annoying, too emotional. And from my perspective, there is also a lack of warmth, this feeling because of which I think I am a burden for all and I can not establish any natural friendship, but almost forced, as if I did not feel I had the right to be a friend of yours, which is partly also the reason why every time in chat start a conversation with "how are you" and then ask "if I'm disturbing". Because i'm much younger than all of you, i thought everyone would be nice to me even if i was acting like a spoiled kid and that you wouldn't have cared too much, but because of course when i did act like a bitch you weren't like i have previously described (and you were right, i had to learn), adding to this my fragility and fear of being judged and stuff, i never really felt safe with some of you, which defined more my wrong behaviors that were always expanding, originating a false reason for me to keep my head and act like a bitch towards some people for stupid reasons (when i debated Zenkai on Nagisa vs Demigra, since i once already argued with him about the DBH cosmology because i couldn't accept DBH>PMMM and that wasn't exactly the most friendly debate, i decided to assume an aggressive tone against him without a reason, ignoring even his arguments and i kept exaggerating the stuff about Nagisa to make her win). In the long run, all my fears and weaknesses were starting to possess me even more, because the idea of "hanging out" with much older people exalted me a little and, as the youngest, i wanted to feel important to the others, i wanted to be pampered, but obviously you guys are not like my servants, you guys already had your list of friends and best friends and i was far from them, and this "lack of attention", and at times even maybe not caring not even slightly, kept defining my behavior here on FANDOM.

Another last reason, is because Metal won't come online for several years, but either way we got distant. Though, with Metal, like i previously said, i had the chats that i will honestly remember until the last day of my life. Those chats were the best chats i ever had. And knowing they won't come anymore..makes me sad. For around 6 months, those chats and chatting to him in general was the very and only reason i decided to stay, because of all those amazing conversations we had. Those friendly moments i desired and received, the only things i wanted. Knowing that this won't happen again, won't be real again, the only reason of happiness i had on FANDOM isn't possible anymore, and that i most certainly cannot create another reason of happiness equal to that, just gives me another reason to leave FANDOM.

Overall
I have to go offline now, so i'll try to make this as short as possible. First of all, a huge, massive, colossal, galactic sorry to '''EVERYONE. Sorry for being a guy that didn't even contribute to this site at all, and sorry for being the cause of several dramas that annoyed many of you when i could have made your days better if only i acted like a more friendly and mature person. I'm terribly sorry.'''

But anyway, for all these reasons, i chose to stop this shit: later this day, i'll delete my fandom account, it's time. About Discord, pretty much the same. While i won't delete my account because Discord is the only way i can still keep chatting with my closest friends, i'll be 90% inactive and i won't probably even bother to reply to texts and i'll only check Discord every once and a while, like one time a week. I changed so much now that i even regret the fact that the past me was a user on this wikia, which is partially also why i'm leaving. I just want to move on entirely, move to another chapter of my life, and erase any kind of contact with FANDOM because of my bad memories.

So, this was an experience that lasted slightly more than an year. And frankly, it was a worthless experience. I didn't gain anything from it, and as of now i couldn't care less about this stuff that is completely trivial to me. "Who wins in a battle".. Oh my god. Of course this are just my personal thoughts. I do think there are times those VS debates could get interesting, but most of the times they are just "Oh wow who cares" to me. Completely irrelevant stuff. It may be because i don't have the experience nor the knowledge to even enjoy this, or because i still had so fucking much to learn (i learned methods that i didn't even know existed thanks to G+ lol, also took a bit of inspiration); but i lost interest and just don't like the overall atmosphere of this world.

So again, sorry to everyone. On a side note, i'll disable comments, but not because of any reason in particular. Despite what i've don in the past, i still think there are some people who will miss me, and not because i don't want discussions either, i don't know what's to be discussed anyway, this is literally a personal blog where i'm talking about my experiences, how i felt about this stuff, if i liked or if i hated it, the opinion i had on my profiles and works, my very little "experience" in this world from which i not only didn't gain anything but didn't even have a lot of fun, how i feel about VS debating now and etc. I'm disabling comments only because the concept that " i want to go on" should be pretty clear now. This is, for me, supposed to be an outburst, where i can actually tell you all how i feel and just..leave it here. Not to mention that since later this day i'll be deleting my account, i wouldn't even really keep arguing about anything anyway, and i don't want to. I'm leaving everything behind, and with that everything this world and you all as well. So if this does not get noticed at first will make me kind of happy. I don't want to go and look back at your comments before i finally close my PC and never touch it in years. I just want to go, and be forgotten, so this is also why even if i wouldn't disable comments i'd ask you to not comment here. Just let's move on, i never existed in this place, let's forget about me here, and as you do so, allow me to move to another chapter of my life.

This is all everyone. Thank you for everything, and goodbye.

NOTE: Sorry again for my huge grammar errors, i didn't organize well the blog and wrote it at the last moment.